the journal.

annoyed…

February 13, 2012

I have no idea what it is about him, but it just annoys me. I like him all the same and even more once we started dating. Like we are officially boyfriend and girlfriend, you have no idea how happy this makes me, he is the first guy I have ever dated. Sure there were things, but those never progressed into something more. Which is sort of depressing because those other guys were also really great.

Back to what I was saying, he is overly protective. I like it, but it is too much for me. I feel bad because I might have to lie to him one day, and I have this motto that is “sincerity gives wings to strength.” And by lying to him I won’t be sincere. So this kills me. But is it for his own good? I have no idea, but it sucks that I might have to lie to him one day, and he doesn’t like it when people lie to him. He even said that about his ex-girlfriend. How it bothered him that she would lie to him about hanging out with other guys even if just as friends. He even told me he beat one of them…I don’t know. I’ll just see how this goes for now, but if he hurts me or anyone I care about, then that is the end of this relationship because I know the people I am close to way before he did, so there is no need for his judgement.

I just hope I can be this strong. For now, I am really nervous at the fact that I know sex is an important topic between us. Since I am a virgin, it is harder for me to jump the gun. I am not ready, but he wants me to start birth control now. I mean good that he wants to be safe and all, but does he expect me to be ready in a month to start having sex with him? Or am I just so tempting that he can’t hold it for any longer? I have heard of guys going so long without having sex with their girlfriends….really confused and annoyed now!

Maybe if I get a good night sleep I will feel better. And maybe my mind will become clearer as to what I think about all of this.