the journal.

what the fuck?

February 14, 2012

Well today when my boyfriend and I started talking about when we do have sex, he says that we won’t use a condom. And I am like, “what the fuck are you talking about?!” In my head, since I was little, it was programmed into my head that I will always use two types of contraceptives. Which include birth control AND condoms. But he says no, he says that he can’t cum if he wears a condom, that it feels “unnatural.”

Well of course it is going to feel “unnatural” but I would rather be safe than sorry. But at the same time, I want to have sex with him, however, no guy is worth getting pregnant for. Especially at seventeen.

I don’t want to have to wake up every morning at 6:10 AM and take a pill. I already had to do that for six months when I took acutane. That was a pain in the ass, but at the same time if it insures that I won’t get pregnant, even if we don’t use a condom, I might just give up that extra minute every morning to take one sleezy pill that will allow me to have sex. But I know in my mind that I also need to use a condom. I’m not that stupid, except, if he says his ex-girlfriend did the same and she never got pregnant, do I have the same chance of not getting pregnant even if he pulls out? Well, obviously! There is such a thing as pre-cum! 

OMIGOD! I have no fucking idea what to do. I have gone seventeen years without sex, I am pretty sure I can go without it for a little longer, but at the same time whenever me and him full around I can’t help but want more. My body yearns for him…

Besides that, I had a really great valentines day with him. I never realized he was really great with children! When he started playing around with my little sister and coloring with her, it just won my heart over a little. I can’t help but like him more and more each time. He always seems to surprise me, even under that weird, wannabe fighter exterior…

note how I said weird/wannabe instead of rough??(;